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  • Writer's pictureTammy Toney-Butler

Do You Feel Like an Imposter?

Can I do it? Do I deserve it? I am not good enough to grab hold of it and pull it down, that blessing, that promise. My past disqualifies me; look at me; who would want me? I do not dress like other people nor talk like they do.

Do you think they will figure out I am a fraud? What's that, you say? I have a Ph.D. in physics. You say I graduated from an Ivy League School and was top in my class.

Do you think they know? That I struggle to get out of bed every morning? That I see myself as an imposter? Why, I am not sure, but I do. What do you mean that it's a lie? You mean I am worthy, deserving of love? Says who? My real parents never saw me that way. They abandoned me, and I was adopted. Deep hurt, indescribable loneliness, and self-loathing creep in as I lay my head on my pillow. I would give anything to sleep more than a few hours a night.

How do I push past the darkness in my soul and break free of the lies of the past? How can I experience peace and joy? What's that, you say, call out to Christ? I have before; He was never there when I needed Him. Where was He when I was left alone, abandoned by my real parents? I was not worthy enough for them to love me, see I am an imposter? What's that, you say? Trust in God again. You are right, I have tried everything else, and nothing has worked. What do I have to lose?

Do you mean I can smile again and experience joy as I see in others? Is Peace possible for someone like me? Yes, you say, what does God's word say about peace, joy, love, and being chosen?

Wait, What? Am I Chosen? Am I special? Of course, you say. Let's see what God's Word says about being chosen, shall we?

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Peace and Blessings,

Tammy Toney-Butler

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